Six month snapshot

Since my last post, a lot has happened. I’ve moved the blog over to this new page, which I prefer. I have missed covering some big steps in our TTC process; but I guess we’ve been so busy doing them I haven’t had a chance to write about it! That’s going to change from now. Blogging for LGBT families day is coming up, and I want to be part of the fun. Also, now that Lesbiandad has gone on a prose diet, I have the time I would have spent reading blogs, to start writing mine. Here’s the past six months of our TTC journey in snapshot:

• Nov 07: Faced with a three month wait to get an appointment with the lovely Dr Heavenly, I called around and got an appointment for early December with another ob/gyn who was leaving town shortly, and therefore had appointments available. The deal was that we would see her for our first consultation and then our case would be taken over by her replacement. The catch: this clinic only works with known donors…

• We had been open to the idea of a known donor (in fact, Lo was very much in favour of this option), but had not been able to come up with a suitable candidate. We had a shortlist of possibles, but none were perfect. Except for this lovely gay male couple friend of ours who we had thought were ideal, but we knew they were going to be away when we were planning to start. In fact, they were going overseas in mid December for six weeks, and then would be back in town for only three weeks before taking off for a three year work assignment overseas. We had always thought that this timing would have made it impossible for them to be involved.

• We were at a party, and it was one of those parties where all of a sudden you realise that everyone is having babies or is pregnant. One member of our couple friend (X) was also there. He starts talking about our plans to TTC (which he knew about) and how he loves babies, and how he would like to have children one day, but was not sure what that would look like.

• · I went home and spoke to Lo about it. We decided that we would take the plunge and ask X if there were any synergies between their plans or thoughts and ours. We thought that if we kept open and non specific about our intentions, they could be candid about what they wanted and we could see if there was the potential to work together on this. If they were set on having a co-parenting arrangement three nights a week, we would know that wasn’t for us. But at least we wouldn’t have missed an opportunity to consider creative solutions that may work best for us both.

• I met X for lunch and asked him. He was thrilled, surprised, and taken aback. He responded very positively, but took it on notice to speak to his partner. He said that practically, they would probably be more interested in making a donation, than anything more involved. Great from our perspective. He suggested what was our ideal model. We arranged to have dinner that Friday.

• They came over and I cooked duck with blood orange and star anise and Chinese pancakes. Before they arrived, I swept the front path, cleaned the house meticulously and felt like a heterosexual woman for the first time in my life. They were both excited. They both wanted to donate and wanted us to choose which one of them we wanted (he’s cuter, they said, yeah but he’s buffer). Ideally, they were interested in being a birthdays and school concerts , and general good male role model figure, with our permission. They were so perfect in all the ways they responded. So honouring, so decent, and are generally such good wholesome men, delightful.

• We agreed that they would think it over while they travelled overseas for 6 weeks, meanwhile we would line up all the appointments for both of them to undertake in the 3 weeks they were back in town before heading overseas. They could opt out at any time.

• Dec 08: We had our appointment with the ob/gyn. She was nice. Surprised by our two donor model, but decent and pleasant. She arranged all the forms for them to complete the tests, screening, donations.

• To complicate matters, I find out that we will be going overseas for three years with a work assignment, starting Jan 09. Workwise, it’s a great opportunity, and we’ll be going to a good, liberal, western country which is GLBT friendly. But it complicates the TTC plans a bit. Ideally, we’ll need to conclude TTCing and fall pregnant before we go – by Dec 08. Also, I’ll only be able to take 12 weeks off work when the baby arrives. We decide that I will still carry the baby, and Lo will take some leave without pay from her job to stay home with the baby after I go back to work. I think I am going to find this hard, but I think it will be really good for ensuring that we both share a bond with the baby.

• Jan 08: We had a busy January, with X&Y making the deposits, doing blood screening, us having the obligatory counselling sessions with what must have been our city’s worst psychologist, and a few clinic mishaps including the clinic running out of dry ice the day before they were due to deposit (?) and then they left.

• · The sperm must stay in quarantine for six months, so it will be ready for use in July, after they complete a final blood test which we have arranged for them to do while away.

• · April 08: We met the replacement ob/gyn. She’s young, funky, and a bit off-hand. I preferred the motherly nature of her predecessor. The sperm is plentiful, and of good quality. We now just have to decide how we want to inseminate, when to start, and which of our two donors to start with…

No wonder I haven’t had time to blog!

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