Sunday: in four parts
1. The HSG went fine. From various things I had read, I had imagined it would be far more traumatic than it was. There was a small mishap where I got left in a change room, in my backless gown, for half an hour due to a patient mix-up, which was annoying. I thought about creeping out to find Lo but didn’t quite like the idea of wandering the hallways in nothing more than a bed sheet with ties. The actual procedure was ok, a bit of cramping, and the all-clear. It’s a bit topsy turvey, the way that they make us undergo all the tests to see whether anything is wrong before even starting inseminations. Whether or not these tests come back clear is always the last thing on our minds, it’s always just another box to tick before we can start the process.
2. Lo’s mother is in town this week, she’s not staying with us (long story), but Lo is thinking about telling her about our ttc process while she’s here. I think Lo might find one of those mother-daughter moments and take her into her confidence. We’re both uncertain about how that will go, but expect it will probably be ok. Lo’s parents are also staunch Christians, but slightly more liberal minded. They’re also younger. And they know that lesbians have children. So that’s a start.
3. I have decided not to apply for the great job I saw. For a whole range of reasons including a persuasive lists of pro’s and con’s and our need for some certainty. So we’re still on operation go-overseas at the end of the year. I had Friday off work for the HSG and thought through the reality of being at home in the burbs alone with the baby and the housework and worrying about making ends meet on two part-time salaries. When we’re away we’ll have very good benefits, so life will be comfortable and most things will be taken care of, and we will be able to ensure that whenever I am not at work, I’ll be able to be with the baby. Lo is happy to stay home with the baby, and pursue some study and perhaps work a small amount. I am satisfied that if Lo is doing the bulk of the care, and we perhaps some queer uni student nanny part-time to help out and give her a break, then that will be ok. We know it will be pretty hard for the period after my maternity leave (3-6 month old) and perhaps thereon. But at least it’s a known quantity, and a good one, rather than projecting ourselves into the next few months of not knowing what we’re doing. I dreamt last night I told my work I was pregnant and they were fine about it. I think thanks to the six month sperm quarantine and protracted waiting period, this whole thing is going to be so over-processed and thought-through, that having an overseas move and job to go to will provide a good balance.
4. We had our ‘what will we do if the donors pull out now?’ conversation this weekend. It’s all hinged on some signed consent forms coming back to us and the final blood test from them. We hadn’t thought about our fallback plan in a while, and I don’t think Lo really wanted to consider it. We’ve come so far with them, and all feelings are good. But it’s good to have a plan in the back of our mind and to remain prepared. I think there are two options – 1. set the clock back to zero and find another known donor and start again. 2. go straight to the other fertility clinic in town that deals in anonymous (identity release) sperm and get started immediately. But I will be so relieved when these forms come back and the tests are all clear.
